tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55024395624842084622024-03-18T22:02:46.285-07:00...of course she did.Because, let's be honest, you're not at all surprised.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-68843039162105087622010-10-28T15:18:00.000-07:002010-10-28T15:18:47.700-07:00Quote of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Sister Mary</span> Fitzpatrick</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b> </b></span><b>while attempting to read an</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> email </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">from a high school student:</span><br />
"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">JK??</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">What does that mean?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">...Jesus</span> knows?"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/assets_c/2010/04/buddy-christ-thumb-200x212.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/assets_c/2010/04/buddy-christ-thumb-200x212.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-60710257924009861462010-09-01T11:58:00.000-07:002010-09-01T11:58:13.309-07:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When a middle-aged homeless man named <span style="font-size: x-large;">"Jesus"</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">asks permission to</span> <b><span style="font-size: small;">"bless you," </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">ask a</span> <span style="font-size: large;">few follow-up questions</span> <i>before</i> you consent. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-61320998545777141512010-08-09T13:52:00.000-07:002010-08-09T13:52:05.187-07:00Life lessons learned at Institute...<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"></div><ul><li><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You really should stick to pots and pans <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">when choosing a receptacle in which to</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">boil water.</span> There may come a time when you really need boiling water to soften your <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">mouth guard</span> and you may briefly consider pulling <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">two empty glass beer bottles</span> out of the recycling bin,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> filling them with water</span>, and placing them on your electric stove. <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Resist. This. Urge.</span></b> <i>Apparently</i> glass beer bottles aren’t exactly <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“multipurpose”</span> containers… something about being unable to withstand intense heat. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">Anyway</span>…. If you’re not careful, you may have to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">duck down</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">behind your kitchen counter to avoid the</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">shards of glass</span> flying toward you after <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">beer bottle #1</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">has exploded only to later set your bath towel on fire while frenetically attempting to save</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">beer bottle #2</span> from a similar fate. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hypothetically.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Your body, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">like a beer bottle</span>, also <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">expands in the heat.</span> This is why you shouldn’t assume that a roll of <b>heavy-duty duct tape</b> that fits easily above your elbow in an air-conditioned room will slide off <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">just as easily after you have been moving</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> loads of chart paper</span> in the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">heat</span> for several minutes. As a matter of fact, you may not even realize <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">just how much larger</span></b> that part of your body has become until you look down and see that said roll of tape is actually <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">cutting off all circulation to your forearm.</span> It will require 30 minutes, scissors, soap, water, and at least <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">one person with strong fingernails </span>to free you at that point – <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">but you will walk away from the situation with all extremities intact.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Organic deodorant does not work. </span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Not even a little bit. </span> After you have spent several days marching around a <b>predominantly un-air conditioned Philadelphia public school </b>smelling like a particularly<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"> foul type of apricot,</span> you will revert back to whatever <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">cancer-causing, environment-destroying brand name deodorant</span> the masses use.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> 5 Hour Energy drinks <b>have not</b> been approved by the FDA. Ingesting two of them per day <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">everyday </span>for 5 weeks is risky at best. That being said, if you don’t mind potentially <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">giving birth to flipper children</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">or</span> <b>glowing in the dark by the age of 45,</b> there really is no better way to fight off <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">crippling exhaustion</span> when a half-hour nap is simply not feasible.</span></li>
</ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-21224094049566911242010-05-04T14:14:00.001-07:002010-05-04T14:15:06.436-07:00Quote of the day:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTIZnBRC7VEysKxClvJ2pMNTyU27IIcztQulKOyMv6BXUxeGUSHDJnPbC9qxEbUWyO7tH7Asrn5dFWmWhpiGAXGKAWjh_7yyJ5Dv1EsouZ-hplDORSDzZBs4WHy_fYQnTqtUJl00IBClDs/s1600/ambulance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTIZnBRC7VEysKxClvJ2pMNTyU27IIcztQulKOyMv6BXUxeGUSHDJnPbC9qxEbUWyO7tH7Asrn5dFWmWhpiGAXGKAWjh_7yyJ5Dv1EsouZ-hplDORSDzZBs4WHy_fYQnTqtUJl00IBClDs/s200/ambulance.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b>Woman screaming at her husband </b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">as they enter a parking lot:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">"Just because the <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">ambulances</span></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">go by at</span> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">high speeds</span></span> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">does <b><i>NOT</i></b> mean they <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">want to race you!"</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-43873799740582431822010-04-27T10:37:00.001-07:002010-04-27T10:38:19.936-07:00Quote of the day:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlog8_5dgaAsDbUgAdg-lq535ZDVb5nbI_jKuIMEwR8JapwrjygyLHS1sk0FTNNPe7g36zjLAiRIonr7MlYKcwN5_Mv0eKv3tv3lSJEMCPd06QB9fwgWcX7SWLLmDPX4I6v85ZYzsU0Adm/s1600/cab.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlog8_5dgaAsDbUgAdg-lq535ZDVb5nbI_jKuIMEwR8JapwrjygyLHS1sk0FTNNPe7g36zjLAiRIonr7MlYKcwN5_Mv0eKv3tv3lSJEMCPd06QB9fwgWcX7SWLLmDPX4I6v85ZYzsU0Adm/s200/cab.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This morning<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> on my way to work</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Middle Eastern cab driver</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">got stuck behind a </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">slow-driving, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">constantly-braking</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">SUV.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">In frustration</span>, he raised his fist <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">in the air and shouted</span>,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"He's <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><i>killing</i></span></b> me!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">He's <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">killing me softly</span> with his <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">stops</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">!</span></span>"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Best imaginable start to the day.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-33654924985529059752010-04-02T13:48:00.000-07:002010-04-02T13:48:04.707-07:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Outlook spell check</span> pops up, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">be careful what you click.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Otherwise</b></span>, when emailing a client named <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Evangelia</span>, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you might accidentally change her name to</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">Evangelical</span>... <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and call her that</span>...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> multiple times... </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">same email</span>.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifFtk4r7Ntwu8KPvm9TZbk9Sp6dnuIR0X7jQlTyMJNIa5iUq1p5e6PD05-KYe8nULSwSJpS8cVioDqvdcPM2QDb3szFSPtgDvnZD76r-_TKbo6oNT-6jpl8NwdZW9KJU-_5O2OqNC9WJBe/s1600/HeavenlyAngels-2-main.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifFtk4r7Ntwu8KPvm9TZbk9Sp6dnuIR0X7jQlTyMJNIa5iUq1p5e6PD05-KYe8nULSwSJpS8cVioDqvdcPM2QDb3szFSPtgDvnZD76r-_TKbo6oNT-6jpl8NwdZW9KJU-_5O2OqNC9WJBe/s200/HeavenlyAngels-2-main.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-78737097540522708152010-04-01T17:03:00.000-07:002010-04-01T17:03:50.356-07:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>If you want to capture a photo</b> of a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">strange-looking man</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">on the bus with your camera phone</span>, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">try to look like you're</span> texting when you're <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">actually taking his picture.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">unfortunately</span>, forgetting to <b>turn the flash off</b> of your phone will ruin this little ruse <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and lead to an </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">awkward encounter</span> with the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">aforementioned</span> strange-looking man instead.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFnoF0HSwLHPu6JxqGgiXuUHGv0XpickEVk8ZT225wzk5MZdajZhyqac0Ag2CUnzavqlC86DOvu8vXst8aq5WJ0_HQyWZM4wI7Cxx4O3wvPzHPSuLjGub0dYiBCfxl_fX6McpUg0fpNJg9/s1600/camera-phone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFnoF0HSwLHPu6JxqGgiXuUHGv0XpickEVk8ZT225wzk5MZdajZhyqac0Ag2CUnzavqlC86DOvu8vXst8aq5WJ0_HQyWZM4wI7Cxx4O3wvPzHPSuLjGub0dYiBCfxl_fX6McpUg0fpNJg9/s200/camera-phone.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-38478625338277654702010-04-01T16:56:00.000-07:002010-04-01T16:56:01.679-07:00Quote of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"I used to think <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it was</span> 'Hey Jew'<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> like the song was just for</span> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">our people</span>. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Especially that</span> one line where it's like, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">'<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">Hey Jew, don't be afraid.</span>' </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Always thought it was <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">referring to the</span> <b>Holocaust</b>..."</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">- <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Liz</span> recounting her c<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">hildhood interpretation</span> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">of a popular <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Beatles</span> song</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi9dN2icFyOF60YvqTQZtqcp3a_AJOFCsxCxFhofAhC8r6azZtwHRHH-jtx7jSLuNTrE_gL7cg_H6hUa-z35mKfvt0lyjD9OkKZ4WgcthDcd6kkL8Icyic4_oPMb6zJZC7PEu2c6y2Kr1S/s1600/beatles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi9dN2icFyOF60YvqTQZtqcp3a_AJOFCsxCxFhofAhC8r6azZtwHRHH-jtx7jSLuNTrE_gL7cg_H6hUa-z35mKfvt0lyjD9OkKZ4WgcthDcd6kkL8Icyic4_oPMb6zJZC7PEu2c6y2Kr1S/s200/beatles.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-49843540652208305122010-03-24T19:59:00.000-07:002010-03-24T19:59:47.925-07:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Don't ask the person </span>interviewing you for a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">job</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">if they're</span> pregnant because they're </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"wearing a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">pregnant girl dress.</span>"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioI1g1a4ELjsCgKjG6G-HkTIybDjLeiDISBd5bl0KdsIP3TC2PCiCkJ5nUK_PEiEQzFF1RX_sz8tl82IpZ7GRifKVOHQKiZtDqBKPZ2UrfSL67P0SlTL4tMnna6-G5HVwg47D_AMfQBcT9/s1600/maternity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioI1g1a4ELjsCgKjG6G-HkTIybDjLeiDISBd5bl0KdsIP3TC2PCiCkJ5nUK_PEiEQzFF1RX_sz8tl82IpZ7GRifKVOHQKiZtDqBKPZ2UrfSL67P0SlTL4tMnna6-G5HVwg47D_AMfQBcT9/s320/maternity.jpg" width="234" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-33570827503100915702010-03-20T09:45:00.000-07:002010-03-20T09:45:47.707-07:00Quote of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"You're probably still <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">sleeping now</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">since I received </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">a voicemail from you at 4am</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You were </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">playing the harmonica</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span>" </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">- Message from my manager at noon</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhegVQhdFydBId-ioHv4T1IRfkh8eAN3o8O7VZcQWFKlR6xv8GKIWjfU12El2QlfD02Fkq1VDn8HZ-TktCqwdKRtwnE66rv3egzthf4gsa-Ki0IyIYcWfp9a5VV2m6vy3L44LXyRqP-lA9c/s1600-h/harmonica1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhegVQhdFydBId-ioHv4T1IRfkh8eAN3o8O7VZcQWFKlR6xv8GKIWjfU12El2QlfD02Fkq1VDn8HZ-TktCqwdKRtwnE66rv3egzthf4gsa-Ki0IyIYcWfp9a5VV2m6vy3L44LXyRqP-lA9c/s200/harmonica1.gif" width="161" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-15179837546373893392010-03-18T17:31:00.002-07:002010-03-18T17:33:07.878-07:00Quote of the day:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAQchyphenhyphenQKUgBZ0vd5rCfBDWvfaUW677YwDoJrAAmhgb52YN2aQBFImAEm2F7k1b8gG1AiaJNHlVzoHY9Sgv5nshrYCVx8yKQKJ8abTy7hF5QSuxgp5i1YCpxpb2QwYK_4iO33-5-cGNx1Sc/s1600-h/ambien.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAQchyphenhyphenQKUgBZ0vd5rCfBDWvfaUW677YwDoJrAAmhgb52YN2aQBFImAEm2F7k1b8gG1AiaJNHlVzoHY9Sgv5nshrYCVx8yKQKJ8abTy7hF5QSuxgp5i1YCpxpb2QwYK_4iO33-5-cGNx1Sc/s200/ambien.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Overheard on 14th St:</b><br />
"<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Dude</span></span>, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'm going to an</span> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Ambien</span></span> party. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What should I bring?</span>"</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-83304551043549281392010-03-16T16:38:00.002-07:002010-03-16T16:57:34.960-07:00Telemarketers: Part One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnO4IGBDyy7AGZY2b-2OwSICmq0uxK1pS5G_MRZ4qsXZS6okZlcU4-7hYKp1DSxvIhw2_oqMm0VdY4lxOLiHbcJoiuFYznTg9Jl7TRnJ6fgZu0rvRXezK5L1fHIP9fAL1fBIdTyQEvBWHf/s1600-h/spanish_language_telemarketing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnO4IGBDyy7AGZY2b-2OwSICmq0uxK1pS5G_MRZ4qsXZS6okZlcU4-7hYKp1DSxvIhw2_oqMm0VdY4lxOLiHbcJoiuFYznTg9Jl7TRnJ6fgZu0rvRXezK5L1fHIP9fAL1fBIdTyQEvBWHf/s200/spanish_language_telemarketing.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: auto;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What’s worse than a <b>chatty seatmate</b> when you're taking the red-eye? Discovering that <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">telemarketers</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">have somehow acquired your cell phone number.</span> They call. <i>Constantly.</i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Making so many different offers that you can’t even keep them straight.</span> I’m starting to feel like <b>Tiger Woods. </b> (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://instantrimshot.com/">Rimshot!</a> </span>Anyone?) <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Anyway</span>, I’m not really sure how I became such <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">a hot item for these companies. </span> What about “<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">nonprofit worker</span>” and “<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">public school teacher</span>” screams high-roller? <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Maybe the economy is just </span>so bad that the $237.42 <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">in my checking account makes me a modern-day <a href="http://johnjohnsaidit.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/sean-diddy-combs-thumb.png"><b>Diddy</b></a>.</span> Who’s to say? All I know is that I am longing to reclaim my<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> anonymity</span>.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Well... I was. </span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">That was before today. You see, this morning I realized something: </span>as miserable as I feel on the receiving end of their calls, they must feel even <i>more</i> miserable making them. I mean, <b>imagine sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day</b> calling strangers who will, more often than not, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">cut you off</span>, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">hang you up</span>, or <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">curse you out</span>. It must be so… boring. So predictable.</span></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But not anymore. Not on my watch. There’s a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">new sheriff in town</span>,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> ladies and gentlemen</span>, and while she won’t be giving you the commission <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">you so desperately crave,</span> she will be giving you the next best thing: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">a story.</span> A story so <i>ridiculously</i> crazy that it will earn you your five minutes of fame at happy hour (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">because if anybody needs a stiff drink at the end of the day, it's telemarketers</span>) and temporarily remove you from the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">eye-gouging misery</span> that is your <b>bland and purposeless life.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">You. Are. Welcome.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Updates to come…</span></span><o:p></o:p></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-48321725965789396612010-03-06T15:46:00.000-08:002010-03-06T15:46:31.200-08:00Life lesson of the day:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJOqqKc9gMUbEgnOVHZQopXIhRIV0Btg8BdAXA6AnKFylIjOSp3WonzTlteerp_jL-VRMoea6gW22jg-f1ovJTjZbF5WUpW5ZXllNLTVbxlmTCeJp9nBSTjlkgtu1Q5XvJcvUIesQtU19x/s1600-h/AmericanSushi2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJOqqKc9gMUbEgnOVHZQopXIhRIV0Btg8BdAXA6AnKFylIjOSp3WonzTlteerp_jL-VRMoea6gW22jg-f1ovJTjZbF5WUpW5ZXllNLTVbxlmTCeJp9nBSTjlkgtu1Q5XvJcvUIesQtU19x/s200/AmericanSushi2.JPG" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">When the<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <b>delivery man</b></span> consistently</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">includes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">two</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span>sets of chopsticks</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in your order for<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> one</span>,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it's time to reconsider</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">your <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">sushi consumption.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-43996918846955204822010-03-03T21:25:00.001-08:002010-03-03T21:41:29.434-08:00A modern-day Anne Frank<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I was a big Anne Frank fan back in the day.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span> I read her diary. I admired her courage. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I identified with many of her thoughts and questions. </span> I did not, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">however</span>, expect to find myself sharing in her experiences <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">many years down the road...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt16hQSLYKd-TaDvzmaCTylPtT1cRgpEnNQVW3X6WQVjOKnTYMkv_KzryeoMoMCV9fxjNZ7VCT8sv1XazX-j5ppfdV0RIgucEj7hw3Q37claXhyphenhyphen-noSEN5daYGnCT2mtTiYRu0zmTSpxSl/s1600-h/annefrank.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt16hQSLYKd-TaDvzmaCTylPtT1cRgpEnNQVW3X6WQVjOKnTYMkv_KzryeoMoMCV9fxjNZ7VCT8sv1XazX-j5ppfdV0RIgucEj7hw3Q37claXhyphenhyphen-noSEN5daYGnCT2mtTiYRu0zmTSpxSl/s200/annefrank.jpg" width="185" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You see, <b>there is nothing worse than an irritating roommate.</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Coming home at the end of a long, hard day and finding yourself face-to-face with a person whose </span>mere presence<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> makes your face tick</span>... well, it's not quite like being hunted by Nazis, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but it may compel you to change your name and move to another country.</span> Some flee these <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">horrid living situations</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span>by emigrating to libraries or friends' couches - and some, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">like Anne</span>, just hide and pray they won't be found.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>I was a hider in college.</b> After class, I would rejoice upon realizing that I had come home to an empty house... <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but I knew it wouldn't last. </span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">At some point</span> - maybe in five minutes, maybe in five hours - <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I would hear that familiar jangling of keys in the lock,</span> followed by the creaking of floorboards outside by bedroom door, and, finally, the <i>knock-knock-knocking</i> of a narcissist with between one and five <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">painfully detailed stories</span></span> that she could not <i>wait</i> to share with me.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Unless,</span> of course, the door to my room <i>happened</i> to be closed. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">And it </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">happened</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> to be dark underneath the door. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And the darkness </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">happened</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> to be completely silent.</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">On these occasions, those creaking floorboards would lead her to her own room and the soft murmur of inane cell phone chatter that followed signaled my freedom</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">. </span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I had been spared the misery of hearing about her day.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Granted, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I only know these things</span>, because I <i>happened </i>to be in my room the entire time... <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">in the dark... motionless... silent. </span>With my phone off and my headphones in, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'd watch movies on my laptop, avoiding anything too funny or too scary</span> - one muffled giggle or quiet gasp could have brought down the entire operation. I also <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">single-handedly disproved</span></span> Maslow's "hierarchy of needs" theory <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">as I would wait until 10:30pm to creep into the kitchen and snatch my dinner. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Even then</span>, I chose stealthy foods -<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> like pudding and oatmeal.</span> <b>Chips and carrots drew </b><i><b>far</b></i><b> too much attention to themselves. </b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Years from now</span>, you will find me in adult diapers since I have inevitably damaged my intestinal tract by "holding it" for hours upon hours - <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">afraid to tiptop across the house until I was completely sure the coast was clear. </span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> don't care what Maslow says</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">:</span> no physiological need could trump my desire to be <i>left the hell alone.</i></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, to all you modern-day Anne Franks out there: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">stay strong.</span> I<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> may not understand what it's like to be hiding from someone who wants to kill you...</span> but I know all-too-well what it's like to hide from someone who makes you want to kill yourself.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-4565223322879289662010-03-02T20:05:00.005-08:002010-03-02T20:43:59.630-08:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd2FOoHraO-VmujMx0drSWSH1Ly4M8dvOzRrLXlGZhIeDtkjlX_FgFf5Ldck5bZ4jJAEYYclfgK4AB-R2PlYUjpHUq8_Sr9oBsS5Xh_bX9Qh2UgxzNssKSim7qn9whSwtFZhjl6mRHxPCR/s1600-h/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd2FOoHraO-VmujMx0drSWSH1Ly4M8dvOzRrLXlGZhIeDtkjlX_FgFf5Ldck5bZ4jJAEYYclfgK4AB-R2PlYUjpHUq8_Sr9oBsS5Xh_bX9Qh2UgxzNssKSim7qn9whSwtFZhjl6mRHxPCR/s200/images.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you do not own a toaster <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and want to cook a </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">Poptart,</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">you should</span> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">not</span></span> set the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">aforementioned tart</span> on foil</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and the oven on broil</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and assume it will be <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">safe to touch</span></span> with your bare hands</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in a mere <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">three minutes.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> On the other hand,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">if you want to develop </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">an <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">enormous blister</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">on the tip of</span> your pointer finger,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">follow those<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">exact steps.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And be sure to touch the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">frosting.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-90492505892290976242010-03-01T12:36:00.001-08:002010-03-01T12:38:08.344-08:00Quote(s) of the day:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/jobs.aol.com/articles/media/2009/04/1postal-worker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/jobs.aol.com/articles/media/2009/04/1postal-worker.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>A postal worker to me:</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"You can't put a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">UPS</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span>sticker</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">on a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">FedEx</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span>bag</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and drop it off</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">at the<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Post Office."</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/25/96653263_a0374fc9ec.jpg?v=0" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/25/96653263_a0374fc9ec.jpg?v=0" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>A co-worker to me:</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"I want to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">kidnap you</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and keep you in a </span>glass box in my room</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">all the time</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">so I can just watch you."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Side note: Am doing my best to laugh about this last one... because, well, it is actually quite terrifying.)</span></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-20091892260752827172010-02-28T18:36:00.003-08:002010-02-28T18:42:39.618-08:00Quote of the day:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTNWN741sBkmdWbIlmd4bUquZgYTW2C-MWcASdnPHm0TmVi3ukPrpxVHBy5xAC9rEJ5IgHFBEPcc0JdIhUZGrN6zyvmk03hyphenhyphenTJFPbBeuOno-qoT0cLrga1d1QzJSbpqdt8tYZ8sxQrioSb/s1600-h/glee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTNWN741sBkmdWbIlmd4bUquZgYTW2C-MWcASdnPHm0TmVi3ukPrpxVHBy5xAC9rEJ5IgHFBEPcc0JdIhUZGrN6zyvmk03hyphenhyphenTJFPbBeuOno-qoT0cLrga1d1QzJSbpqdt8tYZ8sxQrioSb/s200/glee.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Overheard:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"What do you mean you hate the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Glee</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> kids</span>?! <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">That's like saying you hate</span> world peace. Or <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">puppies</span></span>."</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-22160832573790445612010-02-26T14:35:00.009-08:002010-02-28T21:18:49.338-08:00An open letter to hair stylists<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To whom it may concern:<br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">I understand that hair is your thing. As a <a href="http://images.tvrage.com/screencaps/78/15415/779823.jpg">tattooed hipster and/or gay man</a>, those follicles that sprout from the top of your head are more than a biological feature - they're an extension of your personality... an art form... an expression of "you." Not all of us feel this way. Some of us, with less time and more responsibility on our hands, just need a way to cover our ears and/or feel feminine when we sprint out of the house without makeup.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now that we're clear on this, I'd really appreciate a moratorium on the holier-than-thou, judgmental stylist commentary. From the moment I sit in your chair and you start raking your fingers through my tangled mess of a ponytail, it begins. First, you cock your head to the side and bite your lip - pensively diagnosing the problem. Then, you frown - as if the worst of your fears had been confirmed. After a few moments, you lean over to show me my own hair (like I hadn't seen it before) and say, "Umm... you have a lot of split ends."</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Thanks for the insight, Dr. Phil. Do you think I came to you because I wanted all of my healthy, perfectly moisturized hair removed? I mean, what if doctors treated us that way? Imagine: walking into a clinic, tissue in hand, violently ill, only to have your physician look at you with disgust and say, "Um... you have a really gross cough." It would be one thing if you saw me elsewhere, but I'm here! I clearly know that the split ends have gotten out of hand... isn't admitting it the first stage of recovery?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Soon after, in a tone of mock innocence, you lay your trap:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Which products do you use?" </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">At this point, I know it doesn't matter how I answer. What you actually said, masked in question form, was "Whatever you are putting in your hair isn't cutting it... and I can think of a few paralyzingly expensive products that just may do the trick." I prepare myself to sit through the lecture. Oh, my hair is coarse and frizzy?! Really?! Do you think I made it through middle school without figuring that out? Oh, I should be spending approx. 1 hour per day pre-rinsing, rinsing, moisturizing, deep moisturizing, and creme cooling? Never. Gonna. Happen.<br />
<br />
If you decide that you'd like to go into the business of making people feel bad about themselves, join the clergy. Or PETA. However, if you decide that you want to brighten the day of a hard-working, average person with more on her mind than Paul Mitchell and the depth of her artistic angst, ask me how I manage to keep my hair so voluminous in the rain.</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Suavely yours,<br />
Rachel</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-85919510669580077382010-02-22T19:55:00.001-08:002010-02-22T19:56:24.374-08:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">If the </span>Chinatown bus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> you are riding is named </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"Double Happiness",</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">you shouldn't </span>expect<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> happiness - </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">even in its singular form. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;">As a matter of fact<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, you may just find yourself </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">double </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">crowded </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">by a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">doubled</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">over snoring man</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">with a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">double</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> chin</span></div><div style="text-align: center;">who should have purchased</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">double</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> seat.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1B8VHk4ztwKWcy-iMAqgaaoyklIT6Mm93BBgrOgSCjRvRrJ1N0YOZhi_BiSPdGINXGcyQZfajmrv9hLtHE0GT2B2CAak83s8EGiaVZXQk_64n8oJ7IvKCU0zil3GkecBfqPdDflfqq6gg/s1600-h/double.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1B8VHk4ztwKWcy-iMAqgaaoyklIT6Mm93BBgrOgSCjRvRrJ1N0YOZhi_BiSPdGINXGcyQZfajmrv9hLtHE0GT2B2CAak83s8EGiaVZXQk_64n8oJ7IvKCU0zil3GkecBfqPdDflfqq6gg/s200/double.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;">Next time<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> you should just pay</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">double</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> fare and </span>ride the Amtrak.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-31394237169631018942010-02-21T09:25:00.000-08:002010-02-21T09:25:05.649-08:00Quote(s) of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Indrina:</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">This is how </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">accidents happen -</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">mimosas</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">dares</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">backflips</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPtXiOL4vRiOsAA3L-nehHCbBwZVoqAGoODZCn-YihwOFWs338Rpl4adMzFQ0EUPNNSPnb6D5ms1p3tr8E5N2l6N5KNJTuPoCK9KTHufV6-sSho_T4jTds_cv0l5OUTyLeJUisUdZAWBCL/s1600-h/mimosas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPtXiOL4vRiOsAA3L-nehHCbBwZVoqAGoODZCn-YihwOFWs338Rpl4adMzFQ0EUPNNSPnb6D5ms1p3tr8E5N2l6N5KNJTuPoCK9KTHufV6-sSho_T4jTds_cv0l5OUTyLeJUisUdZAWBCL/s200/mimosas.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Alice:</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I used to gnaw on </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Barbie's feet.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It was my </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">grossest childhood habit.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs8cfXVei0KvzUCCLbqcc5TNb3quvcCDGRKEpMKegfJiNfCb_pRxCl4-ca8uEvugNLBz5lOLQYMkTxwtohCcEgVuR4SW5ae4C1Pp_B9N1u0Kr9PSs9RorXZJlf5eRAagY_NYnzLR3V1efb/s1600-h/barbielegs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs8cfXVei0KvzUCCLbqcc5TNb3quvcCDGRKEpMKegfJiNfCb_pRxCl4-ca8uEvugNLBz5lOLQYMkTxwtohCcEgVuR4SW5ae4C1Pp_B9N1u0Kr9PSs9RorXZJlf5eRAagY_NYnzLR3V1efb/s200/barbielegs.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-15716662636909438252010-02-18T21:49:00.010-08:002010-02-23T18:36:26.279-08:00Me gusta español<div style="text-align: justify;">If it's true <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">that most people's writing is reflective of their experiences</span>, I want to be <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">the author of a Spanish textbook</span>... <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">based on the example sentences alone</span>.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Who wouldn't want to live like those folks?! I mean, they <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">practically reside at the discoteca...</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">that is</span>, when they're not busy <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">sitting around in el </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">café</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;">assigning genders to words<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">. Occasionally they swing by la biblioteca, but it's probably just because they need a quiet place to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">nurse their hangovers</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> so they can</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rally for the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> evening's fiesta.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> Why get a job when you can just </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">lounge around in el parque giving directions to the bathrooms all day? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">The constant memory loss,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> coupled with frequent </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">hamburguesa and papas fritas</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> cravings, lead me to wonder what they're <i>really </i>buying at <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">el mercado</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">.</span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But, occasionally, you <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">glimpse the darker side.</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">One of my college Spanish textbooks <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">used the sentence</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"I'm going to kidnap a woman"</span> as an example of the future tense. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oh really, Pablo?</span> I guess I missed the chapter where you stopped <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">strolling along la playa long enough</span> to develop a <i>Grande Theft Auto </i>addiction. <b>Dónde están la policía when you need them...</b></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-21511513550824041482010-02-18T17:00:00.005-08:002010-02-18T21:53:28.663-08:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When you plan to</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">leave your clients a series of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">very important</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">voicemails prior to a </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">major deadline</span>,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">check to make sure</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> that your headset isn't muted.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGKJERe3mrg7DUqM-Fiy-cLsVPbW4xuq7ycyoUz7VKi2PZy1l2Dcz8PWkpnb4e0hBxLLBE9I4DYPqpfoCHVKEqTi_uytNrz-rlmAfQfUPVHinfdda2RGPdrdixTKB6omkfgSybbc5Xil_G/s1600-h/headset.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGKJERe3mrg7DUqM-Fiy-cLsVPbW4xuq7ycyoUz7VKi2PZy1l2Dcz8PWkpnb4e0hBxLLBE9I4DYPqpfoCHVKEqTi_uytNrz-rlmAfQfUPVHinfdda2RGPdrdixTKB6omkfgSybbc5Xil_G/s200/headset.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It is preferable that you check this at the <i>beginning </i>of the day</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rather than at the end.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><b>After</b></i> you've made all your calls.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-78710753499959289622010-02-16T19:16:00.004-08:002010-02-16T19:40:18.248-08:00Bonus quote of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"He's the 17th direct descendent <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">of the</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Japanese warlord</span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"></span></b> </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oda_Nobunaga"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oda Nobunaga</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">who</span><i> conquered most of Japan."</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">- <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">an Olympic commentator referring to</span> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">this man</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIj_4C0PSAwWC2vBJp87F7Am_529Cl4NwZddw1kCBA1LAMVy4PLNNX0qb_LrgMO-igqkztjU0uAt_-HUXjHOXDsbu8uXITehfuShsKJ0XIpf1c9L_nOO5xuAR2WQolwb1YuqCrJwtQmZnX/s1600-h/oda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIj_4C0PSAwWC2vBJp87F7Am_529Cl4NwZddw1kCBA1LAMVy4PLNNX0qb_LrgMO-igqkztjU0uAt_-HUXjHOXDsbu8uXITehfuShsKJ0XIpf1c9L_nOO5xuAR2WQolwb1YuqCrJwtQmZnX/s320/oda.jpg" width="214" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oh, </span>how <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">the mighty</span> have <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">fallen</span>.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-35672779178496898342010-02-16T17:59:00.011-08:002010-02-16T19:41:17.574-08:00Quote of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"He doesn't even try to look graceful...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> he's an </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">evil character</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">out there</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> and</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">he knows it.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"</span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">- <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">an </span><span class="Apple-style-span">elderly commentator</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">in a</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">purple sweater</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">referring to</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">this man</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8ZTEmNI7z1iKe-3D7HNPWS5V2WMfeOyRdFjdrrUYLFEI9tMGXwtT8ZP0MtdipL2sCRMB8CKn9N1amXrNQZijtG40AtRc7ZgXley0vyc6mP5gZlDgjogJvKAjX6sSeuIUaUCQjgcUUyJu1/s1600-h/PLUSHENKO1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8ZTEmNI7z1iKe-3D7HNPWS5V2WMfeOyRdFjdrrUYLFEI9tMGXwtT8ZP0MtdipL2sCRMB8CKn9N1amXrNQZijtG40AtRc7ZgXley0vyc6mP5gZlDgjogJvKAjX6sSeuIUaUCQjgcUUyJu1/s320/PLUSHENKO1.JPG" width="260" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Only the</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Winter Olympics </span>could turn a <span class="Apple-style-span">bedazzled Russian albino</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">into a</span> rebel <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">without a</span> cause.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502439562484208462.post-4865257602196105592010-02-15T16:04:00.006-08:002010-02-15T16:43:34.708-08:00Life lesson of the day:<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">The details matter.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Especially</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> when those details are the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">height & weight stats</span> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">on your driver's license.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:-webkit-xxx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;">Fact:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">According to </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">standard measurements</span></i>, I am </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:-webkit-xxx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">5'10"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and 160 lbs.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">(excluding November & December when one of those numbers changes significantly... I'll let you decide which one...)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;">Fact: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">According to my <i>driver's license</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><i>,</i> I am </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b>5'0"</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">... and 160 lbs.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One errant keystroke transformed me</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> from </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">a relatively proportional giant</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> to </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">an obese midget under the law.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Which brings me to the bonus life lesson of the day:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;">The DMV sucks.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1mhPkioCe2jnqhs-zO8kSbsRCSjOSrBOh0rxyuvLUrxabh_XFupw8kPgFIN7R9zleh5St5oxxQxwlFfT8AtOtIyRIqd0VuXOSYRaTmJKr2LIVpczh0mgM-rC-59nqLtXKATWzggivIo-R/s320/dmv.jpg" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br /></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2